Defusing and De-escalating

[gerhard1]

A partial C&P of a post of mine from the S&W forum:

I have seen plenty of posts saying this gun is great for defense and maybe that one is not so good.

That is well-and-good, but what about how to avoid getting into situations in the first place? Before you need the fight-stopping power of the gun that you have chosen.

Let's assume that you are in a WalMart and you bump into a stranger. Most of the time a simple 'pardon me' will suffice, and there is nothing more to it. What, however, if a simple 'sorry, bud' doesn't' do it? In this case the man is very angry and it looks like it he could come at you any minute.

What is the best thing that you can do here? I'd try walking away.

Or, what if he has you in a position where you can't retreat? Would you do any differently?

How would you defuse or deescalate?

Obviously, if he is bent on robbing me, the D&D angle won't work, but if it's a matter of pride, they might.

So, if this happens, what do you do to avoid the use of deadly force?

 

[Catt57]

The first answer is to always be situationally aware. The best de-escalation is avoiding the situation in the first place. Beyond that, it's much like you said, don't let your pride get in the way. A quick "oops, sorry" often goes a long way. If that fails, exiting the situation is often the next best option. Always be aware of your exits and be willing to go to extremes in the process if the situation calls for it. If there is no retreat and the attacker persists then you do what you have to do.

 

[gerhard1]

The first answer is to always be situationally aware. The best de-escalation is avoiding the situation in the first place. Beyond that, it's much like you said, don't let your pride get in the way. A quick "oops, sorry" often goes a long way. If that fails, exiting the situation is often the next best option. Always be aware of your exits and be willing to go to extremes in the process if the situation calls for it. If there is no retreat and the attacker persists then you do what you have to do.

Generally agreed. The vast majority of situations can be handled like both you and I have said. But if he has you cornered, and you can't get away, how could you handle it? What would 'encourage' the other guy (for lack of better terminology) to end the confrontation?

Here are a few ideas. First, choose your words carefully. By this, I mean don't use words that are disrespectful, i.e., racial or ethnic slurs Avoid the use of profanity. Be (yeah, I know it'd be hard) polite. Say 'sir' to him. Let him know that you respect him, that you intended no disrespect to him or those who were with him, etc. Use the word 'please' a lot.

Massad Ayoob wrote in his excellent book In the Gravest Extreme, that when he was in a rough area in a big city that he would carry a $5 or $10 bill wrapped around a match book. If a bunch of street punks surrounded him and it looked like there was going to be a confrontation, he would pull the money out and toss it to the ringleader, and say that he was not looking for trouble and go buy the boys a round on him. Ayoob said that doing this may satisfy the opponent's pride, and sense of manhood this having them to back off, and even if it didn't, an attempt to buy them off looks great in court should the use of deadly force prove necessary.

My PI pistol instructor advised me to ask the other person to not press on. He said that he would say something to the effect of 'please, don't do this,' or if I had my gun out, 'please don't make me hurt you'. Always, the object is to calm the other person down; your intention is to buy time, to get him to think things through; to allow his extreme emotions to cool down.

These are just a few examples. Can anyone think of anything else relevant to the subject?